Spring has been in the air now for close to a month (I know this primarily because I’m violently allergic to it) and summer looms menacingly around the corner. Old Mister Sun is starting to wake up, and he’s staring down at us with his beady little eyes and his two scoops of raisins, ready to get it on.
Bloodsuckers, the L-Word and a Weird Myth
As I write this, it is February fourth, and in a mere ten days there will be an event known as Valentine’s Day. It has also been referred to (often by me) as “Oh-Sweet-Unholy-Crap-I-Forgot-It-Was-Valentine’s-Day Day” but, whatever you might happen to call it, it’s creeping up on us.
As you may have surmised, I have a few problems with this.
Infomadness
Picture this: it’s 3AM on a weeknight and you’re bored, maybe sporting a serious case of insomnia. You give up trying to get to sleep, because it’s futile, and wander downstairs to get a snack, maybe watch some TV.
If you’re anything like me, you’ll pour yourself a heaping bowl of Count Chocula and plop your butt down in the recliner, grab the remote and, if “Single White Female” (which you’ll watch) isn’t playing on some channel somewhere, you start to channel surf.
Unfortunately, there’s not much on TV at three o’clock in the morning, aside from the aforementioned “Single White Female” replay. Well, er, that’s not exactly true. What I should say is that there’s nothing on WORTH WATCHING at three o’clock in the morning.
There is stuff on, though. Oh Man, is there stuff on.
That Bit About The Spider
There used to be this spider that lived in my bathroom. I’m not entirely sure what kind of spider he was — the best resemblance I could find was that of a Tasmanian Cave Spider though, for all I know, he could be anything — but, regardless of what species, he was a pretty frikkin’ big spider. I mean, if you were to measure the diameter of his legs whilst stretched — assuming you could get close enough to him to get his legs stretched out in the first place — you’d have a spider of at least four or five feet across.
Posted in Horror, Humor, Ranting
Tagged arachnophobia, Elvis, high pitched screaming, hip gyrations, horror, hunka hunka blue suede terror, jibblies, Kumonga, nude, nudity, spider, spiders, sultry, Tasmanian Cave Spiders
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Just West of Hell 